Are you the only Deafie at your holiday table?
I am.
During holiday season this can be difficult. People are eating, talking with mouth full of food, waving hands around (you think 'oh is that a sign?' and it is not!), and there is much chaos all around.
As the only Deaf at my table this means I miss out on conversation. I see my family laughing and talking and I do not what is going on. I have to ask my partner, 'what?, what is so funny?' or 'what did he/she say?' It is annoying for me and for my spouse, I am sure.
I would rather be fussing in the kitchen, with food or serving people so I do not have to talk or attempt to read lips. Reading lips is getting harder and harder to do these days. With mouth full of food I cannot do at all!
My dream of the perfect holiday table would be this:
A Deafie's Holiday!
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1. The table would be round, so communication could be clear and accessible for all parties.
2. All people at table would be Deaf, Hard of Hearing or Hearing with ASL skills. Hearing folks who sign are 'Honorary Deafies' for the day!
3. Communication would be totally accessible. Everyone would feel comfortable and at ease, nobody would be excluded from conversation. We are together and having fun!
4. Everyone would see how beautiful ASL is as language. Visual and easy for communication. No problems, relaxed atmosphere, laughing and open time for serious conversation without any judgement.
5. No talk of our deafness being a 'problem' or 'disability'. We are all the same and having no difficulties, no body left or excluded.
Make sure you take some time for yourself during Thanksgiving to have a breathe. You may need to give your eyes a rest from lipreading. Hearing people think it is easy, but it is not. We Deaf only get about 32% of what you say on you hearing lips!
I have tried very hard to be voice off for the most part with my family. I want to be voice off. It is my personal decision. I cannot hear my voice at all anymore and this is something that makes me feel comfortable. I choose to use sign language as my main form of communication. That is my right.
My family feels differently. They feel because I CAN talk and talk well, apparently, that I should talk, that it is fair to them.
But, what is fair to me?
Happy Thanksgiving,
I look forward to your comments.
xxxooo
k
I feel for you and sympathise. I've been to many of these events and they suck. I usually end up in the kitchen as it's easier.
ReplyDeleteGroups are much easier for me now, ie hearing but I've got out of the habit and now don't know what to say so I still sit there like a lemon.
It totally understand not wanting to have a voice when you can't hear that voice. It's awkward enough when you can hear it a little; volume, pitch, pronunciation of new words. Mishearing and saying the wrong thing, much to everyone's delight. Oh what a great joke that is, my how they laugh.
You go voice off. Sign away. Maybe be kind to the hearies and write stuff down as well as sign. They can learn at the same time
xxxxxx
I know you understand! And why aren't you on fb anymore?? I actually had a small Thanksgiving dinner here at my home so it really wasn't so bad. And yes, I spent most of my time in the kitchen so I didn't have so many troubles. :-) Where are you hiding these days??
DeleteBeing deaf and expecting random hearing people to use ASL is like going to a non-tourist part of France and expecting the locals to use English. It might come off as a bit presumptuous.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't lipread people with their mouths full, and they can't understand you because it's too uncomfortable to speak, could you meet halfway by writing things down on a notepad (or texting)? Even if it's not an ideal compromise for the long term, might it be enough to free you from the kitchen for a holiday party?
That said, you make a good case for it being rude to talk with one's mouth full.
I agree with you oddcincy. Writing things down really is the best way to communicate with hearing people, I wonder with my family though if they wouldn't be more helpful in learning some sign? Instead of having to write or for me having to speak?
DeleteAnd yes, it is rude to talk with your mouth full...deaf or not. :-)
When it's your family, your family should learn basic sign. It can make things much easier for you and these are the people who love you. It's not hard to learn basic sign. No one outside of my husband and daughter have done that.
DeleteNo one outside of my spouse and adult children have done that either. It is frustrating. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteThank you for this, whil I am not completely deaf, I am as they say "Hard of Hearing"... I spend 90% of my time at the holiday table, trying to read lips as much as possible, I am often asking my husband what someone said, because, yes, there is laughter, and no, I have no idea what was said... my issue is that because I am able to hear somewhat, and I can talk, then obviously, I should be able to 'keep up' and am just not 'paying enough attention'. My best friend forwarded your blog to me, because she knows how hard it is for me, at time, and knows that when I finally give in and end up signing things, it is because I've exhausted y ability to keep up with lip-reading... I hadn't thought about that being the probably reason as to why I usually find myself in the sanctuary of the kitchen :)
ReplyDelete-Sandy
We deafies tend to stay in the kitchen because it is so much easier than being around hearies. I do that myself. I busy myself with dishes, cooking, cleaning...it is avoidance. But, it makes life easy for me.
DeleteI am glad your best friend forwards my blog to you and that you decide to follow me. Are you on facebook also? I have a deaf kitchen group and craft group on fb that you are more than welcome to join. If interested, let me know!
I am very interested, please do let me know how to find you on FB. Thanks!
Deletehttp://www.facebook.com/groups/deafiesinthekitchen/
Deletestart here!! This is Deafies in the Kitchen, it is closed group and I will accept you, once I see your name we will be good to go!
I'll actually show up as Sandra Scott :)
Delete